Thursday, January 26, 2012

Weight Loss & "Confidence Clarity"


What Is Major Weight Loss?

In my personal opinion and in the opinion of many medical professionals, major weight loss is anything over 50 lbs. Some medical professionals don't even believe someone can lose upwards of 50 lbs. without serious medical intervention.

I know people who have undergone major weight loss surgery, both gastric bypass and lap band, as well as  people who have had other doctor-monitored procedures like colonics, appetite suppressants, liquid diets, etc. I also have seen people, and know from personal experience, that you can lose a significant amount of weight with good, old-fashioned diet and exercise (my preferred method and recommendation).

However, regardless of how one goes about their major weight loss "journey," I want to address some of the mental and emotional life shifts that take place. One of my favorite weight loss channels on YouTube is BeautifulBrwnBabyDol. She's a living natural major weight loss success story with inspirational videos that focus particularly on self-esteem and what I call "confidence clarity."

What Is "Confidence Clarity?"

I think people need clarity before they can build. With clarification comes acknowledgement that is necessary in order for us to address and overcome obstacles. I emphasize on "clarity" because the process of clarification guides us to the specific root upon which confidence has grown. If one finds their confidence is built upon shaky foundation, they will also be able to realize and acknowledge exactly where they are lacking in confidence as well. There, at the core, is where positive and sustaining new confidences are rebuilt.

For instance, at my heaviest, which was well over 300 lbs., I was confident in my appearance. I considered myself attractive and nobody could tell me I wasn't setting it off, because I was. I made the choice to stick with weight loss because I wanted to be healthier and more active. However in terms of looks, I felt it was obvious that I was a big chick and any man I was involved with was obviously into big women. However, once I started seriously losing weight (the first 50 lbs.), I started to feel less confident about my appearance.

According to Dictionary.com, confidence is defined as

1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing

2. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance

As I continued to go down in sizes, it became clear to me that my confidence was really a faux-confidence, based on fashion, my sense of style, my make-up, my hair, or being seen as "pretty for a big girl" or a "big beautiful woman." When I no longer had my excessive weight to use as a crutch, I had to gain a new sense of self-confidence in my appearance that was based only on what I thought of myself.

I had to rebuild my confidence with the overstanding that it doesn't matter if I'm a big woman or a thick woman, average, slim, or petite. I'm a beautiful person who cannot be defined by any category or body type. I came to that realization by gaining more clarity. I had to think about what makes me a beautiful person. I had to think about what I liked about myself. Sometimes I had to write it down. I'd make lists about the things I loved about myself, from the physical to the mental, from spiritual to material. I learned to define myself alone.

Confidence is the most important quality a person can have. When someone's confidence is weak or vulnerable in one area, it can trickle into other areas. We must continuously build it up. It's like a muscle and it needs to be as strong as possible because it informs so many of our life choices on levels that are conscious, subconscious, and unconscious.

I still have confidence issues when it comes to sizes and I'm always working on that. Mentally, I overstand everything about the fashion industry that makes sizing inconsistent, from country and region to vanity, fit & cut, from designer to buyer. I know size is irrelevant. However, as someone who has undergone and continues to undergo major weight loss, I'm also in a continuous state of buying new clothes to accommodate my changing body. This is an ongoing and frustrating process. While old clothes no longer fit, new clothing raises its own challenges, as I find myself between sizes more times than not.

Plus V. Straight

Due to my ridiculously curvy pear shape, I will more than likely find myself shopping from straight stores. This is also due to my personal style, as I wear more dresses and skirts than I do trousers, slacks, pants, or jeans. Plus size tops, dresses and skirts are likely to be too big, of an uncomplimentary cut and an overall waste of my money. However, I fall among the largest sizes that straight stores offer, which presents a gamble in itself, especially when shopping online. I can never be sure whether or not any particular garment will be too snug or sold out altogether (most women fall between sizes 12-18).

Moment of Size Clarity

Even when straight sizes fit perfectly, I'd often find myself too busy being shocked that it fit to actually enjoy the garment. Most times I would only wear the item(s) once, immediately after their purchase, and then avoid wearing them thereafter because I was too scared they might no longer fit. Despite my weight and measurements remaining consistent or decreasing, and there being no logical reason why the clothes wouldn't fit, I'd still stubbornly disregard these facts. Instead, I'd continue to entertain the old "Fatty Mentality" that told me "there's no way a size 14 skirt from The Gap fits me."

Clearly, the skirt symbolizes something more powerful at its root than clothes, style, or fashion. There is still part of me that is allowing my confidence to lean on my body, size, and weight. In clarifying, I was able to shift focus away from the skirt and confront the deeper fear:

"At any moment, I'm going to balloon up to 300+ lbs. again."

My avoidance to wear a garment in a new and unfamiliar smaller size revealed my inner lack of trust in self. I was unable to believe I could keep off the weight. I lacked confidence in my abilities.

New Perspective. New Foundation.

There's a ton of mental, psychological, emotional work that goes into major weight loss. When weight loss occurs naturally, all those changes are happening at the same time. I believe that in order for anyone to really make changes, one needs to be able to get the heart of their issue. I recommend natural weight loss because deeper issues tend to be overlooked with surgical procedures, pills, and shakes, etc., as they focus primarily on weight alone. Many lap band patients don't lose a single pound and many gastric bypass recipients regain the weight and then some. Even those who are able to maintain their weight loss often transfer their disorder from overeating to something else, like drug, alcohol, or sex addiction. Perhaps this happens because rapid weight loss doesn't allow time for one to gain clarity and truly overcome their hindrances. Instead, they just lost the weight, which is merely a symptom to a grander issue that is guaranteed to show its face again.

I didn't balloon up overnight and I sure didn't lose weight overnight, either. My weight gains and losses are manifestations of my behaviors, regardless of which stores I shop or what size I'm wearing on any given day.  I know that how I define and mold myself is my choice alone. So, as long as I have confidence in my intentions and actions, I have nothing to dread, fear or doubt.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Fat Rant of the Day: Lane Bryant is Bullshit.

Ample women of the world - Wake up!

Lane Bryant is bullshit. Their sizes are an inconsistent mind-boggling trap. Their pants never fit, unless of course, they're too big or too small. Unless of course, by "fit" they mean "ill-fit."

I used to think it was me. It had to be, right? It's my darn hips and these chunky ass thighs. Then I started to ask myself, "Why do the skirts fit?" "Why do the shirts fit?" And then I realized that they didn’t either! Their skirts, their smallest size skirts (14/16), are too large on me. Many, not all, but many of their smallest shirts (14/16) literally hang off my body. So, please explain to me how it is that their pants never fit me? Why must I paint them on and war with them just to get them up past my knees? However, I can't seem to wear their 18/20 leggings more than two times without them drooping at the waist and crotch because they are too large.

I admit to having lost a substantial amount of weight recently; however this sizing issue has always been part of my Lane Bryant shopping experience. As if the subpar quality of their overpriced, unoriginal revamped generic trends wasn't bad enough, Lane Bryant shoppers also have to consider the additional hassle of alterations? This is what compelled me to stop shopping at Lane Bryant altogether over a year ago. I'll still stop in every now and then to browse the clearance section, and I'm not surprised to see nothing has changed.

Ladies, their prices are robbing you blind. Macy's, Nordstrom, and Bloomingdales won't swindle you. Do some price comparisons before you jump at the next Real Woman Dollars scam. Do you really need a closet full of clothes every other plus size woman has? I have to ask myself what's really going on when I can't fit into a single pair of Lane Bryant jeans, yet I can walk into Bloomingdales and have my pick of size 16s and 18s. Perhaps it's the designers selling at Bloomingdales who are doing the vanity sizing? Perhaps indeed. But they fit. At Lane Bryant, it doesn't matter if I pick up a size 16 or a size 26 - They. Never. Fit.

I've seen women shopping at Lane Bryant who are smaller than I am. How can that be, when I wear tops from H&M, Urban Outfitters, GAP, LOFT, etc? I can go into Nordstrom and fit most of their mainstream Large tops? Please note that I wrote "Large." I did not write "XL" or "XXL."

I'm not here to say I'm small. I am not. I am very much full-figured and plus-size. Many more mainstream stores are making exceptions. Many of today's trends and designers are more versatile. Today's silhouettes are more forgiving. Still, Lane Bryant's sizes have been consistently inconsistent. At their best, they sacrifice fit for unflattering designs; all for the sake of a vast, inclusive customer base. At their worst, their sizing contradictions are leave customers in a state of confusion, frustration, and even shame.

Lane Bryant was a demagogue of plus size apparel. However, the fatshionista movement is only getting started. It’s time for us to surrender to the new sheriffs in town. Research online, shop, browse, try things on (!), compare prices, originality, quality, etc. I know many women who are still trapped serving yesteryear's apparel god, but trust me, there are far better options right under your noses.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Okay, Jennifer...

Why do I have to say anything else?
(I'll be back.)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Fat Rant of the Day: Where's Kate Mulleavy's Plus Line ?

Looks like someone's a self-hating oppressor.



Boo on you, Kate. Booooo.......



Thursday, February 17, 2011

Fat Rant of the Day: Too Much Sleevelessness !

Note to Designers: Kindly, make more dresses with 3/4 length sleeves.

We don't want to wear a shirt under your dress or a shrug over it. We just wanna put on a cute dress and hit the streets like everyone else. We don't deserve the burden of having to coordinate multiple layers over your gorgeous design just so we can cover our flabby arms, which also, incidentally, covers your DRESS!

Designers who make more sleeveless plus size clothes than sleeved must admit to their laziness and/or ineptitude. They obviously
must not know how to design flattering sleeves that complement all/most sizes and shapes, so they simply rip them off the dress maiden and fashion them as legwarmers for their junior line.

Fact is, many of us with fat arms don't wish to expose them, and most people (fat or thin) don't want to see fat arms exposed.

Fix it!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Shop NOW: ASOS CURVE

You like fashion? You GOT FASHION!

ASOS is the U.K.'s "hottest online fashion store" and it's finally made its way to the U.S.! Now we can rock London's edgy street style and Britain's most sought-after trends with FREE SHIPPING, both ways!


ASOS CURVE offers a collection of plus size pieces ranges from size 16 to 22. And you certainly won't have to worry about having the same clothes as all the other fat chicks, like you do when you shop at some other places.

Here are just four pieces from the website to give you a taste:



HURRY & BUY!




Wednesday, September 8, 2010

j i b r i

It's official: Plus size fashion is here to stay!

I just stumbled upon Atlanta designer Jasmine Elder's website and label, JIBRI. Her designs are modern, chic, and urban with the right amount of coverage and silhouettes that accentuate plus size assets.





It's too bad none of her clothes are sold in NYC. Her Fall 2010 collection embodies the very aesthetic city fatshionistas like me are looking for. Fortunately, JIBRI is sold at other boutiques throughout the U.S. and online. You should check it out!











Friday, August 27, 2010

Look @ LOOKVILLE.COM

Shout out to Daphne @ Lookville.com for putting me on! It's basically the Twitter of fashion. It's not primarily fatty-oriented, but such is life. Besides, it's about time we all join forces to create one united fashion galaxy, especially as more and more prominent fashion designers continue to reach out to the plus market.



I just joined. You should too.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dear Google-Stalker, Who Exactly Do You Think You Are???!?!??

Really, Google-Stalker?
(i.e. "Sponsored Links")


REALLY?

I mean, I appreciate your concern and interest in my fashion needs, but if you're going to track my trends, could they at least be... I don't know, trendy?


Apparently, this is who you think I am.


Some stalker you are, Google.



*Note: I neither condemn nor condone this site or its use of fabric, which is why I have neglected to provide a link or mention its name. If you really want it, I'm sure you can figure it out yourself.