What Is Major Weight Loss?
In my personal opinion and in the opinion of many medical professionals, major weight loss is anything over 50 lbs. Some medical professionals don't even believe someone can lose upwards of 50 lbs. without serious medical intervention.
I know people who have undergone major weight loss surgery, both gastric bypass and lap band, as well as people who have had other doctor-monitored procedures like colonics, appetite suppressants, liquid diets, etc. I also have seen people, and know from personal experience, that you can lose a significant amount of weight with good, old-fashioned diet and exercise (my preferred method and recommendation).
However, regardless of how one goes about their major weight loss "journey," I want to address some of the mental and emotional life shifts that take place. One of my favorite weight loss channels on YouTube is BeautifulBrwnBabyDol. She's a living natural major weight loss success story with inspirational videos that focus particularly on self-esteem and what I call "confidence clarity."
What Is "Confidence Clarity?"
I think people need clarity before they can build. With clarification comes acknowledgement that is necessary in order for us to address and overcome obstacles. I emphasize on "clarity" because the process of clarification guides us to the specific root upon which confidence has grown. If one finds their confidence is built upon shaky foundation, they will also be able to realize and acknowledge exactly where they are lacking in confidence as well. There, at the core, is where positive and sustaining new confidences are rebuilt.
For instance, at my heaviest, which was well over 300 lbs., I was confident in my appearance. I considered myself attractive and nobody could tell me I wasn't setting it off, because I was. I made the choice to stick with weight loss because I wanted to be healthier and more active. However in terms of looks, I felt it was obvious that I was a big chick and any man I was involved with was obviously into big women. However, once I started seriously losing weight (the first 50 lbs.), I started to feel less confident about my appearance.
According to Dictionary.com, confidence is defined as
1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing
2. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance
As I continued to go down in sizes, it became clear to me that my confidence was really a faux-confidence, based on fashion, my sense of style, my make-up, my hair, or being seen as "pretty for a big girl" or a "big beautiful woman." When I no longer had my excessive weight to use as a crutch, I had to gain a new sense of self-confidence in my appearance that was based only on what I thought of myself.
I had to rebuild my confidence with the overstanding that it doesn't matter if I'm a big woman or a thick woman, average, slim, or petite. I'm a beautiful person who cannot be defined by any category or body type. I came to that realization by gaining more clarity. I had to think about what makes me a beautiful person. I had to think about what I liked about myself. Sometimes I had to write it down. I'd make lists about the things I loved about myself, from the physical to the mental, from spiritual to material. I learned to define myself alone.
Confidence is the most important quality a person can have. When someone's confidence is weak or vulnerable in one area, it can trickle into other areas. We must continuously build it up. It's like a muscle and it needs to be as strong as possible because it informs so many of our life choices on levels that are conscious, subconscious, and unconscious.
I still have confidence issues when it comes to sizes and I'm always working on that. Mentally, I overstand everything about the fashion industry that makes sizing inconsistent, from country and region to vanity, fit & cut, from designer to buyer. I know size is irrelevant. However, as someone who has undergone and continues to undergo major weight loss, I'm also in a continuous state of buying new clothes to accommodate my changing body. This is an ongoing and frustrating process. While old clothes no longer fit, new clothing raises its own challenges, as I find myself between sizes more times than not.
Plus V. Straight
Due to my ridiculously curvy pear shape, I will more than likely find myself shopping from straight stores. This is also due to my personal style, as I wear more dresses and skirts than I do trousers, slacks, pants, or jeans. Plus size tops, dresses and skirts are likely to be too big, of an uncomplimentary cut and an overall waste of my money. However, I fall among the largest sizes that straight stores offer, which presents a gamble in itself, especially when shopping online. I can never be sure whether or not any particular garment will be too snug or sold out altogether (most women fall between sizes 12-18).
Moment of Size Clarity
Even when straight sizes fit perfectly, I'd often find myself too busy being shocked that it fit to actually enjoy the garment. Most times I would only wear the item(s) once, immediately after their purchase, and then avoid wearing them thereafter because I was too scared they might no longer fit. Despite my weight and measurements remaining consistent or decreasing, and there being no logical reason why the clothes wouldn't fit, I'd still stubbornly disregard these facts. Instead, I'd continue to entertain the old "Fatty Mentality" that told me "there's no way a size 14 skirt from The Gap fits me."
Clearly, the skirt symbolizes something more powerful at its root than clothes, style, or fashion. There is still part of me that is allowing my confidence to lean on my body, size, and weight. In clarifying, I was able to shift focus away from the skirt and confront the deeper fear:
"At any moment, I'm going to balloon up to 300+ lbs. again."
New Perspective. New Foundation.
There's a ton of mental, psychological, emotional work that goes into major weight loss. When weight loss occurs naturally, all those changes are happening at the same time. I believe that in order for anyone to really make changes, one needs to be able to get the heart of their issue. I recommend natural weight loss because deeper issues tend to be overlooked with surgical procedures, pills, and shakes, etc., as they focus primarily on weight alone. Many lap band patients don't lose a single pound and many gastric bypass recipients regain the weight and then some. Even those who are able to maintain their weight loss often transfer their disorder from overeating to something else, like drug, alcohol, or sex addiction. Perhaps this happens because rapid weight loss doesn't allow time for one to gain clarity and truly overcome their hindrances. Instead, they just lost the weight, which is merely a symptom to a grander issue that is guaranteed to show its face again.
I didn't balloon up overnight and I sure didn't lose weight overnight, either. My weight gains and losses are manifestations of my behaviors, regardless of which stores I shop or what size I'm wearing on any given day. I know that how I define and mold myself is my choice alone. So, as long as I have confidence in my intentions and actions, I have nothing to dread, fear or doubt.
